| so i have realized that actually i dont need that kid. He means nothing to me now. Like i am unimportant to him so why even try anymore. Starting to realize how much more i miss solomon. I seen him this weekend. It was just like old times. He came to a family party w me and hung out w my friends. He slept over and he caught up on everything. We just talked about everyyyyyy thing. Like why we broke up, our relationship problems w everyone too. It was nice. |
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| so here i am once again.. i always seem to just randomly start writing on this thing when i am going through something. Well here it goes, for the last few months i have been getting with a kid you would have never thought i'd get with. Average american eagle wearing, old baseball cap, khaki shorts boy. Like i met him around april of last year at work, and like had the biggest crush on him since. Cant really explain how everything started, but we basically had nothing going i guess, he played me once and i still sat there. For no reason. I always wished there was something there but there wasnt. So spring break of this year came around; THE BEST SPRING BREAK EVER! And him and i seemed closer than ever, he seemed like he was catching the feelings i felt the whole summer. He left, went back to college and asked where our relationship was going. And i told him how i felt. And he felt kind of the same; or thats what i had thought. We'd text and call each other about everyday for the month of March. I visited his college, or he'd come home. It was nice, i thought it was getting serious, not exactly a relationship but something. Well i must of been wrong because around April everything crashed. He only wanted to be my "friend", but still told me how h had feelings for me. This whole thing made no sense to me. He had to be hiding something. So last friday we got into a fight, he basically told me i was nothing to him. And i ended everything, cut string that was attached. Saturday i went out with my friends and one of his friends. His friend tells me he was torn between me and some girl had his school, and that he actually LIKED me. Ha, what a joke. Its crazy how much shit you go through just for a boy who dont know what hes wants out of his own life. |
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| well im back to being single again...all by my lonesome..yesterday he told me he wasnt in love that he didnt love me...blah blah blah...so i guess i just let him go...thats what he wanted the last 2 weeks u so could tell..him pushing me away all the time..i guess things arent always what they seem so..iunno..i guess i'll live...its so friggin hard not talkin to him every day..like maybe that hurts the most ..not being able to talk to him and ..feel some what loved. ..iunno its so tempting to just txt him..but im not gunna ..he dont want me no more so..iunno i guess imma live without him...3 months and like iunno i was addicted to him..o my gosh it just hurtttt so fuckin bad..i want him .. =/ && i guess sad songs will help with the pain.. |
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| so0 im back..in a okay mood..kinda got cramps but o well what can ya do. The boyfriend just randomly got off the fone wit me..someone called on the other line...mmmhmm..i dont like that very much. Kinda makes me mad when he do dat...den he wont call me until like 11-1 when im like sleep or iunno..URGH it makes me mad. But o well .... so today he started a new school...nd im all worried he gunna replace me for one of they suburban asses..i dont wanna be replaced with a suburban girl from media...or somewhere over there. Kinda scares me..like iunno i actually realized dat i LOVE this kid..took me awhile ..but i do...scary ..just straight scary man. O well iunno..i just dont wanna get played in ne way shape or form..im just prayin he wont play me again. sooooooo this here xanga is wonderful to just get stuff out...like i really could careless if neone reads this...but i love how it helps me get everything out...o well mmkay bye love all of u! |
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| so0 im back here complaining again..well let see me n the love broke up last night like literally broke up...yeah it hurts but last night he told me he wanted me outta his life so i was like fuck it fine..deleted my myspace nd didnt answer his calls...hurt so bad when h sed dat tho...like i dont think he knows what we have is truly real..i guess he dont know...iunno..but neways yeshh right now hes textin me sayin bullshit..im truly mad and dont know what tho think of him nemore so...yeah... so0 im in depression once again for the 4th or 3rd time in my life...poppop just had what u could call a heartattack...nd my other g-pop is in the hospital too..everything feels like its all failing..everything is failing me..i got friggin hspa,.they almost done thank god..i sure did pray to god yesterday with that math..i hope i dont fail i wanna make my parents proud nd have a diploma.. well here im repeatin TIME by Ne-yo...this is the best friggin song ever..this soothes me so much..so this is what keeps my blood pressure down.. so now im on the fone with him..hes tellin me he wants me be here with me..yeahh im kinda just pissed ..URGGHH.. |
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